you don't have to be from wisconsin to enjoy this blog, but it sure does help.

 

Guess what adults do on Halloween in Milwaukee? They get blind drunk and try to forget about their childhoods.

Justin Vernon explains Milwaukee reference in the new self-titled Bon Iver album

(Source: The A.V. Club)

Mifflin Street party gets drunk, stabby
Congratulations, Wisconsin. You’ve out-drank yourselves again.
This year Madison’s Mifflin Street Block Party was apparently the craziest its ever been. Which is quite the accomplishment, considering Mifflin is like the drinking Olympics. Drunks far and wide, from Cincinnati to St. Cloud, practice all year round and then amass in Madison at the end of the school year, day-drinking until their balls fall off.
And this year more than ever! Suffice it to say, some people were not pleased.
A very disenchanted Mayor Paul Soglin said Saturday an “extraordinarily” high number of people were taken to detox after boozing it up at the block party. Twenty people, to be exact, compared with five last year.
“This is unacceptable,” he huffed after walking through the crowded block party Saturday afternoon. “The city has no business sponsoring an event where the primary activity is drinking.”
Insert upbeat banter: Oh man, look at Wisconsin, drunk again! Ha-ha, typical Wisconsin! Am I right?
But I wouldn’t be right. 
Because once the sun began to go down, things at the block party started to get a little dark when later on there were two stabbings. Yeah. Mifflin apparently went just a little bit psycho in its drunken stupor Saturday evening because, you know, like I said, two people got stabbed.

Mifflin Street party gets drunk, stabby

Congratulations, Wisconsin. You’ve out-drank yourselves again.

This year Madison’s Mifflin Street Block Party was apparently the craziest its ever been. Which is quite the accomplishment, considering Mifflin is like the drinking Olympics. Drunks far and wide, from Cincinnati to St. Cloud, practice all year round and then amass in Madison at the end of the school year, day-drinking until their balls fall off.

And this year more than ever! Suffice it to say, some people were not pleased.

A very disenchanted Mayor Paul Soglin said Saturday an “extraordinarily” high number of people were taken to detox after boozing it up at the block party. Twenty people, to be exact, compared with five last year.

“This is unacceptable,” he huffed after walking through the crowded block party Saturday afternoon. “The city has no business sponsoring an event where the primary activity is drinking.”

Insert upbeat banter: Oh man, look at Wisconsin, drunk again! Ha-ha, typical Wisconsin! Am I right?

But I wouldn’t be right.

Because once the sun began to go down, things at the block party started to get a little dark when later on there were two stabbings. Yeah. Mifflin apparently went just a little bit psycho in its drunken stupor Saturday evening because, you know, like I said, two people got stabbed.

"I come here because basically if I spend four days here drinking, and even with the plane ticket, it’s cheaper than drinking in New York."

— Lewis Black tells stories about drinking getting shit-can wasted in Wisconsin

(Source: youtube.com)

Three UW-Madison students have seemingly kick-ass kegger, are fined $86K by local police
Madison, Wis. — Three students racked up $83,000 in fines earlier this month after throwing a huge barrel party at their house, according to reports.
Granted, the boys were selling and encouraging underage drinking without a liquor license, but still.
This is what students in Wisconsin do best - get shit-canned wasted at barrel parties until they puke on their shoes, or off a balcony or something.
I mean, come ON. Have these cops been to Madison before?
Let me rephrase that: Are these officers of the law even American??
And moreover, are they Americans with a firm understanding of the drinking culture that proudly thrives in and around U.S. public universities nationwide???
It’s called having fun and drinking beer - you do it in college.
Sure, hand out a few underage drinking tickets - okay. But $83,000 in fines to some 20-year-olds?
Really?
I can’t even imagine what that hangover felt like.

Three UW-Madison students have seemingly kick-ass kegger, are fined $86K by local police

Madison, Wis. — Three students racked up $83,000 in fines earlier this month after throwing a huge barrel party at their house, according to reports.

Granted, the boys were selling and encouraging underage drinking without a liquor license, but still.

This is what students in Wisconsin do best - get shit-canned wasted at barrel parties until they puke on their shoes, or off a balcony or something.

I mean, come ON. Have these cops been to Madison before?

Let me rephrase that: Are these officers of the law even American??

And moreover, are they Americans with a firm understanding of the drinking culture that proudly thrives in and around U.S. public universities nationwide???

It’s called having fun and drinking beer - you do it in college.

Sure, hand out a few underage drinking tickets - okay. But $83,000 in fines to some 20-year-olds?

Really?

I can’t even imagine what that hangover felt like.

Hmm, this looks familiar.
Passed out on the ground…CHECK!
Neck craned in a super-awkward position that’s sure to hurt for days…CHECK!
Surrounded by empty beer cans…CHECK!
Pants off, legs spread wide…CHECK!
Likely peed myself…CHECK!
The only difference I see is the fact that when the toddler does any of those things, it’s adorable and completely appropriate.
But when I wake up somewhere all discombobulated, in a pile of empties with just my t-shirt and my diaper really, really sexy panties on, my mom freaks out and I’m supposed to go to an A.A. meeting.
Double standards are a bitch.

Hmm, this looks familiar.

  • Passed out on the ground…CHECK!
  • Neck craned in a super-awkward position that’s sure to hurt for days…CHECK!
  • Surrounded by empty beer cans…CHECK!
  • Pants off, legs spread wide…CHECK!
  • Likely peed myself…CHECK!

The only difference I see is the fact that when the toddler does any of those things, it’s adorable and completely appropriate.

But when I wake up somewhere all discombobulated, in a pile of empties with just my t-shirt and my diaper really, really sexy panties on, my mom freaks out and I’m supposed to go to an A.A. meeting.

Double standards are a bitch.

HEY MILWAUKEE — Put on your party shoes because the little oompa loompa herself, Miz Snooki Snickers of MTV’s 'Jersey Shore' is comin’ to town!
What?? Don’t judge me! I saw that eye-roll…
You secretly love ‘Jersey Shore.’ We all know you get just as excited as the rest of us when Thursday nights roll around. Or when you’re home alone and you look over at the clock only to realize you’ve “accidentally” watched a six hour ‘Jersey Shore’ marathon. Again.
Or maybe that’s just me.
Whatever - Listen, I don’t have time to defend the popularity of those jerk offs. The ratings speak for themselves.
So when this pint-sized category 5 shit storm named Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi rolls into town on some unsuspecting Friday in September for her scheduled appearance at Suite on downtown Milwaukee’s Old World 3rd Street, please, for the love of everything that is holy, bring in your children, lock up your liquor, and get your ass down into that tornado shelter!
That is, of course, unless you’re Snooki’s type of man - a “juice-head gorilla” - in which case you should feel free to roam that concrete jungle at your own risk. (For those of you scratching your heads right now, the aforementioned keyword juice-head gorilla carries a two-pronged meaning: (1) It refers to a person who juices, or uses steroids to build body mass, and (2) A man whose upper body is so large with defined muscle mass that his body shape mimics that of a gorilla.) 
But be careful out there, Milwaukee - because she may be small, but the girl can drink. Not to mention take a solid backhand to the face. Am I right, fellas?
The undisclosed Friday date will be released shortly, with 200 advance tickets for her visit available starting at 10 a.m. on Sept. 7 by phone (414) 270-9653 or e-mail to party@suitemilwaukee.com.

HEY MILWAUKEE — Put on your party shoes because the little oompa loompa herself, Miz Snooki Snickers of MTV’s 'Jersey Shore' is comin’ to town!

What?? Don’t judge me! I saw that eye-roll…

You secretly love ‘Jersey Shore.’ We all know you get just as excited as the rest of us when Thursday nights roll around. Or when you’re home alone and you look over at the clock only to realize you’ve “accidentally” watched a six hour ‘Jersey Shore’ marathon. Again.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Whatever - Listen, I don’t have time to defend the popularity of those jerk offs. The ratings speak for themselves.

So when this pint-sized category 5 shit storm named Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi rolls into town on some unsuspecting Friday in September for her scheduled appearance at Suite on downtown Milwaukee’s Old World 3rd Street, please, for the love of everything that is holy, bring in your children, lock up your liquor, and get your ass down into that tornado shelter!

That is, of course, unless you’re Snooki’s type of man - a “juice-head gorilla” - in which case you should feel free to roam that concrete jungle at your own risk. (For those of you scratching your heads right now, the aforementioned keyword juice-head gorilla carries a two-pronged meaning: (1) It refers to a person who juices, or uses steroids to build body mass, and (2) A man whose upper body is so large with defined muscle mass that his body shape mimics that of a gorilla.)

But be careful out there, Milwaukee - because she may be small, but the girl can drink. Not to mention take a solid backhand to the face. Am I right, fellas?

The undisclosed Friday date will be released shortly, with 200 advance tickets for her visit available starting at 10 a.m. on Sept. 7 by phone (414) 270-9653 or e-mail to party@suitemilwaukee.com.

I really don’t know why people think Wisconsinites have a drinking problem. Unless you think joking about conspiring to murder your liver is a problem…
(T-shirt seen at Summerfest 2010)

I really don’t know why people think Wisconsinites have a drinking problem. Unless you think joking about conspiring to murder your liver is a problem…

(T-shirt seen at Summerfest 2010)

Cudahy, Wis. — A man was arrested for his ninth DUI in Cudahy  last Friday night, according to the local fuzz.
An officer  stopped the 48-year-old man a little after 11:00 PM after noticing that the guy had a headlight out and was wearing sunglasses at night.
Sketch.
The cops say that the guy had a cooler filled with ice and a 12er of beer between the seats, plus there were tons of empties littered all over the back of the vehicle.
So basically this guy pretty much just doesn’t give a fuck.
The man was  slurring his speech and failed all of the sobriety tests. That’s right, all of the tests. At that point,  the officer took it upon himself to arrest him for drunken driving.
But being that this is Wisconsin and all, I’m assuming the pair went out for a beer together after it was all over and done with.
So yeah, that was the guy’s 9th DUI. First since 2005 - but 9th, total for life. So like I said before…yeah.
Oh, and by the way, the comments to this JSOnline article are freaking HILARIOUS. I highly recommend you take a look. You can check them out here.

Cudahy, Wis. — A man was arrested for his ninth DUI in Cudahy last Friday night, according to the local fuzz.

An officer stopped the 48-year-old man a little after 11:00 PM after noticing that the guy had a headlight out and was wearing sunglasses at night.

Sketch.

The cops say that the guy had a cooler filled with ice and a 12er of beer between the seats, plus there were tons of empties littered all over the back of the vehicle.

So basically this guy pretty much just doesn’t give a fuck.

The man was slurring his speech and failed all of the sobriety tests. That’s right, all of the tests. At that point, the officer took it upon himself to arrest him for drunken driving.

But being that this is Wisconsin and all, I’m assuming the pair went out for a beer together after it was all over and done with.

So yeah, that was the guy’s 9th DUI. First since 2005 - but 9th, total for life. So like I said before…yeah.

Oh, and by the way, the comments to this JSOnline article are freaking HILARIOUS. I highly recommend you take a look. You can check them out here.

Polack drives scooter drunk along Marquette Interchange




This is Wisco comedy GOLD.

It reaches new levels of absurdity.

And makes me proud to not only be a Wisconsinite, but to also a Polack.

And a drunk. Well, maybe not a drunk.

And maybe not even that proud.

But it is freaking funny.

It’s GOLD Jerry! GOLD!

Overheard at Summerfest Part II














More gems from the Twitter page Overheard @ Summerfest:

Random guy at the ladies bathroom line: “Hey, can my girlfriend cut in front of you? She’s gotta puke.”

The crowd here at Summerfest is what you’d expect on a free admission day. Yup, kiddie leashes!

Guy walking by beer tent: “I want to get ARRESTED!

I wish I could make myself throw up, but I’m no good at it. But I’m going to try, to make more room.”

I fell in love but I lost him in the crowd. He looked like Kanye… In a good way.”

I’m a bartender and I ask, “What can I get for you?" Guy says, “Naked.” His wife standing next to him says, “At least he’s honest.”

Stay classy Milwaukee!

Top Ten Reasons I’m Pissed I’m Missing Summerfest: #10


















Hawaiian Shave Ice.

This shiz is the bomb.

When I was a kid, I would always get a mix: Strawberry Daiquiri and Pina Colada.

My parents should have seen the warning signs blinking loud and clear.

I mean honestly. What child can’t choose between the only two non-alcoholic (yet alcoholic) flavors so she had to combine the two.

Here’s a better question:

Who has two thumbs and should have seen alcoholism coming from a young age?






















Ok you know what? Don’t answer that question. This is getting kind of sad.

I don’t like this game anymore.

I gotta go.

Twitter: Overheard at Summerfest






















Well, Summerfest (or, Bummerfest, as my mother calls it) is upon us again, and boy am I jealous.

Seriously.

I have a soft spot in my heart for Summerfest, as trashy as it is. And believe you me, it is as trashy as the day is long.

You see, I have missed it many years in a row now due to my status as a Midwest Refugee and all.

Anyway, I found this hilarious Twitter page called Overheard @ Summerfest where people are encouraged to eavesdrop on drunk white trash at Summerfest (or those making fun of drunk white trash at Summerfest) and then submit their stupid redneck conversations to the internet for ridicule.

For those of you who don’t know me, this is right up my alley.

Let the games begin:

If you’re sick, if you’re broke, if you’re depressed, Summerfest will cure what ails you.” - Mayor Tom Barrett at opening ceremony.


Almost got vomited on by a girl from Real World Austin.”


Lady (angry) : “Don’t call me ‘ma’am’, I’d rather be called a MILF!!


Saw the classic t-shirt ‘Tell your boobs to stop looking at my eyes.”


This is more native Wisconsin than anyone wants to see.”


The shirtless male count is going up with the beer sales.”


I am entering a new frontier. Lasagna in stick form. It wonderful and disgusting at the same time.


Woman to her friend: “Is that guy pregnant?


Ewwwww he was shirtless and his muffin top was like *this* big!" [Holds thumb and finger up about 6 inches apart]

And this is only after the first weekend!

You can be sure there will be updates to follow.

In the News: Drinking deeply ingrained in Wisconsin’s culture
















Alcohol runs in our blood. It’s at taverns, fests, Brewers games. Wisconsin is famous for its outgoing spirit, but getting home can be deadly.

Beer for beer and shot for shot, when all 50 states belly up to the bar, few can hold their own with Wisconsin.

Binge drinking - we’re No. 1.

Percentage of drinkers in the population - No. 1.

Driving under the influence - No. 1.

To read more about the cultural implications of Wisconsin’s alcoholism, please click here.