midwest refugee

Racine makes the finals in ‘Best Tasting City Water’ contest

Described as “crisp” and “natural,” Racine’s tap water has been selected as one of five finalists from a field of 73 entries in the U.S. Conference of Mayors’ “Best Tasting City Water” competition next month in Baltimore.

Racine’s tap water comes from Lake Michigan and passes through a dual-filtration system, making it 99.99999% pure, according to Racine Water and Wastewater Utilities’ general manager Keith Haas.

Not that I’m biased or anything, but I bet they win. I mean, really, the other finalists are: Albany, N.Y.; Denton, Texas; Rochester, N.Y.; and Pembroke Pines, Fla., and let’s be honest, those places are all lame. Call me when Dasani starts bottling their water.

Sighhh…sometimes I really miss Milwaukee.

Today is not one of those days.

Anyone else think Lake Michigan looks like a big navy blue penis, or is it just me.

Wisconsin GOP chairman urges state to reject Obama’s $50 billion plan to create jobs with new public works projects

Air Force One stopped over in Wisconsin today to kick off the fall mid-term campaign at Laborfest on Milwaukee’s lakefront.

There, President Obama outlined a $50 billion plan he’ll present to Congress to invest in roads, railways and runways, which will apparently also lead to lots of new jobs.

But GOP candidates for governor of Wisconsin and complete Debbie Downers Mark Newmann and Scott Walker, have both vowed to dissolve Obama’s evil plot to destroy America. In fact, just before Obama arrived in Milwaukee, another Wisconsin Republican, GOP chairman Reince Priebus said that Wisconsinites don’t even want the money, let alone the proposed high-speed rail line between Milwaukee and Madison that would be funded by stimulus money.

Wait - you know what? I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard a Republican decline money.

Unfazed, Obama reminded his audience just how difficult it’s been to work with those gun-toting religious fanatics over the past two years of his presidency.

“When it comes to just about everything [Democrats] have done to strengthen the middle class and rebuild our economy, almost every Republican in Congress said no,” Obama recalled.

“They’re slogan is ‘No we can’t. No, no, no, no,’” Obama told the raucous audience of labor union members, who then began to chant, “Yes we can.”

Yikes.

And then they all started sucking each other’s dicks and chanting like the typical, socialist, America-hating hippies that they are.

Drink up, Mr. President!

Milwaukee, Wis. — Lake Michigan at sunrise.

Hey kids!

Don’t be fooled by pretty pictures like this one here. The beaches have been tainted.

Get it? Tainted??

Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Sighhhhh…home sweet home.

GLR wut wut

Rough waters on Lake Michigan with Milwaukee skyline on horizon.

Milwaukee, Wis. - As the levels of E. Coli are on the rise in Lake Michigan, City Health Officials are now warning all who frequent four of Milwaukee’s popular beaches to NOT GO IN THE WATER, for the love of everything that is holy.

Wait, sorry - I added that last part there.

Bradford Beach, McKinley Beach, South Shore Beach and South Shore Rocky Beaches are now said to have higher levels of E.Coli. This means, each beach is more likely to carry bacteria, contaminants and other viruses along with E. Coli.

Oh great. Good thing it’s not sweltering, hot as balls in Milwaukee right now. Oh wait a minute YES IT IS.

Apparently this has something to do with all the rain that just came through Southeastern Wisconsin. Don’t ask me - I’m not a meteorologist.

With warnings set in motion, should you or someone you know decide to go to any beach, be on the lookout for the beach warning signs. If you see a sign with a standard green warning on the top and a yellow warning on the bottom, you may want to think twice about hopping in the water.

Also, if you notice schools of fish washing up on shore in groups of, oh say 500 or more, and they appear to be dead, you might want to look out for E. Coli. 

Oh, and if the water looks a little less like a body of frigid lake water and a little more like a huge sea of Keystone Lite, all foamy and off-color, go ahead and think it over before you dive in head-first.

Finally, if you go to the beach and it smells like your Saint Bernard just shit out a block of Limburger and then rubbed his sweaty, summer dog balls in it, you might want to toy with the idea of checking the area for some warning signage.

Have fun this weekend everyone!

Milwaukee, Wis. - Fourth of July on the beach in 1954.

Dayum, that shit is crowded! That must be before E.coli started tainting the once-pristine shores of Lake Michigan.

Also, check out the wedgie on the guy in the right-hand foreground. Hahaha.

Dusk at the Milwaukee lakefront.

Sighhh…it’s mostly just during Summerfest that I miss home.

And during Packer season. But that’s a given, right?

I betcha didn’t know Milwaukee is also known as Cream City because of their unique bricks made from the clay in the Menomonee River Valley and the Western banks of Lake Michigan.

Yeah, I barely knew that shit. I had to look most of it up on Wikipedia.

Sweet bricks, though, hey?