midwest refugee

Madison, Wis.—A man who legally changed his name to Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop was arrested earlier this month for drinking in public and now faces gun and drug charges on top of that.

This is real, people.

Police say that Zopittybop-Bop-Bop, 30, was on parole for carrying a concealed handgun when they found him. He also had drug paraphernalia on his person.

Zopittybop-Bop-Bop faces new charges of carrying a concealed weapon, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and a probation violation, according to police.

Whitewater alderman faces drug charges

Whitewater’s 22 year-old alderman Javonni Butler has been charged with two felony charges of delivering marijuana.

According to the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel:

Butler, 22, twice sold marijuana to a police informant, according to the criminal complaint.

Butler is a student at the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater student from New Berlin. His district includes the Whitewater campus.

So let me get this straight:

• We’ve got 22 year-olds as aldermen??
• Transporting weed is a felony???
• Whitewater has black people????

Something feels weird about this.

“Recovering marijuana addict” gets pulled over for making a sandwich while driving

Wauwatosa, Wis. — It’s half past nine on the evening of September 12 and there’s a reckless driver is on the road.

Likely drunk, the car is swerving between lanes, nearly hitting other cars, and is failing to signal when turning. Given the driving habits of the average Wisconsinite, this should come at little to no shock.

What may be surprising, however, was what was police discovered upon approachingthe vehicle.

When the officer who finally pulled the car over approached the car, he realized that the 24-year-old driver wasn’t necessarily drunk as he had originally assumed — he was busy making a sandwich.

Yes, that’s right — this guy was making a fucking sandwich behind the wheel. He had a loaf of bread, some cheese, and packages of salami all laid out on his passenger seat and was obviously paying more attention to his culinary activities than not crashing his car.

When asked, the driver said he had gotten into a fight with his mother and was “just driving around.”

Hey mama’s boy, binge eat, much?

So the guy’s pulled over at the side of the road for preparing food while driving, when he starts confessing a bunch of shit he probably shouldn’t have. Like that he’s a recovering marijuana and oxycodone addict. 

Because that’s always a good thing to willingly admit to police when your sobriety is in question.

And even though our recovering reefer-addict denied using drugs that day, he felt it necessary to come clean about his alcohol use.

He reportedly admitted to the cops that he had consumed between six to ten vodka drinks earlier that morning.

Six to ten vodka drinks? Is that all??

Geez chatterbox, let us know when you have something of interest to confess next time you’re pulled over for erratic driving.

Even though his blood alcohol content was reportedly only 0.05%, he was arrested anyway.

And everyone lived happily ever after. Or something to that effect.

(Source: wauwatosanow.com)

Hey kiddies — This is what happens when you drop out of your extra-curriculars and start experimenting with drugs.

Burning Man, that’s what. You end up a dirty hippie driving around in Black Rock City NV, wondering what ever happened to that college football scholarship you could have gotten if you hadn’t started smoking weed back in the eighth grade.

Now remember, kids - Marijuana users are the worst criminal scum on the planet and deserve to rot in prison with rapists and murderers (unless, of course, they live in one of these fourteen U.S. states or the District of Columbia). So next time you’re in the mood to temporarily forget how shitty your life is, why don’t you consider doing so through the harmless effects of your old friend alcohol instead?

But talk to your parents first - they’ll be glad that you did.

~

In commemoration of Burning Man which just ended this past weekend, and Packer Season which begins its reign of terror this Sunday, I actually just thought I’d post this amusing photo of the Green Bay Burners. That’s all.

“This amount of marijuana in northern Wisconsin is a big, big deal.” -Wisconsin Attorney General J.B. Van Hollen, on the megafarm of marijuana plants found in a northern Wisconsin national forest this past Wednesday.

The Chequamegon-Nicolet National Forest covers about 1.5 million acres across northern Wisconsin and is divided into two sections — the 860,000-acre Chequamegon in far northwestern Wisconsin and the 660,000-acre Nicolet portion in northeastern Wisconsin.

According to the fuzz, a band of Hispanic men were growing thousands of marijuana plants in remote plots in the forest. Eleven men were arraigned on charges of conspiring to manufacture and distribute over 1,000 pot plants, and one man, the potential mastermind, was charged with conspiracy. Some authorities unofficially suspect there could even be a link to Mexican drug cartels, given the Wisconsin group’s farming style and use of public land.

Estimates put the total number of plants seized at anywhere between 10,000 and 50,000. And with each plant being worth roughly $1,000, that’s a whole helluva lot of booty.

Upon their arrest Wednesday, an “unnamed informant” reportedly sang like a bird during questioning. Which apparently isn’t that good of an idea when you’re dealing with Mexican drug cartels.

According to intelligence experts, cartel recruiters reportedly look specifically for people with family in Mexico so they can use them as leverage to keep the farmers in line. If anyone betrays the cartel, they go after the worker’s family down in Mexico.

Yikes.

I mean, I had no idea there were Mexicans in Wisconsin.

APPLETON, Wis. - A Milwaukee woman is arrested in an undercover drug and prostitution investigation in Appleton. 

Say whaaaat? They have hookers in Appleton??

Police say 25-year-old Vegas Anthony (pictured above) was in a stolen vehicle and had marijuana Monday night when she was arrested and brought to Outagamie County jail.

If you are named after a city where debauchery is a way of life, there’s always that slight chance you might grow up to be a prostitute with the word ‘Daddy’ visibly tattooed to her chest.

Now this segment of “And You Thought YOUR Small Town Was Lame!” comes at us from Minnesota. Or Illinois. I’m not sure which one. But I’m almost positive it’s either Minnesota or Illinois.

So, ah, Mr. Feel Good? Yeah so anyway if you’d jus-

Oh, what? I’m sorry - Doctor Feel Good. Apologies.

Yes, I know you didn’t do drugs for years and years to be called Mister.

Listen, I said I’m sorry. You’re a doctor - I get it.

Anyway, so if you’ve lost your weed just go ahead and report it to the cops. They’ve been taking great care of it and would be happy to let you know where to put it.

Apparently, Snoop is asleep standing up a Prince Fielder fan!