you don't have to be from wisconsin to enjoy this blog, but it sure does help.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Snowy Milwaukee Day
Credit: Steven J Miller
An Open Letter to Atlanta
Dear Atlanta,
Did you really just cancel tonight’s basketball game vs. the Milwaukee Bucks?
Who are you, Philadelphia?!
BUCK UP, you fucking pansies.
Is it even snowing in Atlanta? Is it even supposed to snow in Atlanta?!
One concern was having enough staff at Philips Arena to work the game. Ice and snow hit north Georgia on Sunday and made travel difficult around Atlanta. Portions of some roads were closed.
So let me get this straight: You canceled the game because you’re afraid that nobody would come to work at the arena tonight? Because there’s a little leftover ice around town?
Get real.
Well, you’re definitely afraid of something, Atlanta.
Are you afraid that your little nips were going to get chafed out there in that extreme weather (33°F, 7 mph wind)?*
The Hawks were scheduled to leave after the game to travel to Toronto for Wednesday’s game against the Raptors. The de-icing truck for the Hawks’ private plane was stuck on an interstate for a time Tuesday.
Oh for the love of God.
You see, Atlanta, it’s actually snowing in Toronto. That’s part of what those of us living above the Mason-Dixon line call ‘winter.’ Look it up; it happens every year.
So wipe off your vaginas, warm up your nipples, and get your shit together, Atlanta. Because this is America, and sometimes it snows. Get used to it.
Love,
Wisconsin
P.S. If this is how you react to ice, I can’t wait to see how your Falcons react to Clay Matthews, B.J. Raji, Ryan Pickett, and the rest of the Green Bay Packers’ defense this Sunday in the playoffs.
*I was being sarcastic. 33°F is back-to-school weather for Wisconsin you fucking pussies.
Oh K-Mart, surely you jest.
Green Bay, Wis. — Snow shovelers wanted for snow removal from Lambeau Field starting Wednesday, December 22.
According to CBS WFRV:
Interested shovelers, as many as 450, are being asked to report to the Mills Fleet Farm Gate on Lambeau’s west side, at 8 a.m. Wednesday, December 22, and continuing through the day.
Shovelers need to be at least 15-years-old and will receive $8 per hour, with payment to be made upon completion of work.
So those of you who are at least fifteen years of age, without a heart condition, and with an extra two days on your hands, get your able-bodied asses over to Lambeau and pitch in for God’s sake!
Who wouldn’t want to get up before 8 a.m. to shovel snow all day two days before Christmas? It’s only supposed be around 30°F and partly sunny anyway which, for those of us in the know, is like a balmy stroll on the beach compared to average temps in Green Bay this time of year.
Which again begs me to ask, at a whopping $8 per hour, who wouldn’t want to do hard outdoor labor for two days? Especially in weather this great.
The job basically sells itself.
Unless you’re, I dunno, a terrorist or something.
And you’re not a terrorist, are you?
Wisco snowperson both functional and adorable!
Yeah that’s right, I said snowPERSON. Because I’m not gender-biased.
Besides, what exactly about these three lumps of snow stacked one on top of another screams snowMAN to you anyway? Nothing.
Do you see a snowPENIS? Or snowCHEST HAIR? How about a snowADAM’S APPLE? Is it playing snowMADDEN FOR XBOX360? Is it showing signs of PATTERNsnowMALE BALDNESS???
Exactly. SnowPERSON it is. We’re living in modern times now. Gotta get with the program ya know?
Anyway, thanks to blog fan Samantha P. of, you guessed it, Wisconsin for emailing me this adorable photo of her snowperson from the last big snowfall.
As you can see, not only is her snowperson totally smiley and awesome, it also serves an extremely important purpose: KEEPING BEER COLD!
Genius, Samantha, pure genius.
Which brings me to my thought of the day…
ATTENTION: Lambeau in need of shovelers
Because apparently it looks like this.
And we got a game coming up, people! We gotta represent!
Interested shovelers - the Packers say they’ll need about 300 - are asked to report to the Mills Fleet Farm Gate on Lambeau Field’s west side, beginning at 9 a.m. Saturday and throughout the day.
Shovelers need to be at least 15 years old and will receive $8 per hour. Shovels will be provided.
The Packers’ next home game is against the Seattle Seahawks on Dec. 27.
Dude, fuck the Seahawks! Let’s go Packers! And let’s go Packer Backers…shovel that snow!!!!
You Might Be from Wisconsin If…
You laugh aloud every time you have to hear about the rest of America’s dramatically stated, yet completely misguided concepts of “cold” or “winter.”
You might be from Wisconsin if…
JOKE: A Winter Statistic
Ninety-eight percent of Americans say “OH SHIT!” before careening into the ditch on a slippery winter road.
The other two percent are from Wisconsin and say, “Hold my beer and watch this.”
Thanks to my Midwestern Refugee of an Aunt for this joke - it’s a funny one! But let’s all try to keep in mind that drunk driving is actually not so much of a joke, so be safe out there everyone. It’s slippery on those winter roads!
You Might Be from Wisconsin If…
You’ve had to go trick or treating in your snowsuit.
You might be from Wisconsin if…
